communicating with social media users
Kind of a fitting follow-up to a post about online interactions I wrote ages ago:
A lot of people who use social media intensively, even including smaller services or instances, sound so stressed and defensive to me. No matter where, to whom, or what context.
Seems like nerves are raw and everyone is fighting imaginary replies and real battles on the feed often, all while witnessing friends go through the same. Your mind anticipates constantly what you might be criticized for and then just runs with it, causing you to include preemptive disclaimers, warnings, or filling half of what you wanted to say with apologies and counterarguments for things no sane person would have leveled against you. As you see others in that space react like that too, it gets normalized.
I always feel like I have to tiptoe around people who are online in this way, this amount, I guess. And they tiptoe, too; apologizing for their feelings, for messaging you, for "rambling", for following you, and more. I'm sure the less intensely you use these platforms, the less this behavior shows up, but I can still tell.
You just seem so worn out, tired, limping, full of shame, scared to be hurt and to accidentally offend. I’m sorry that is happening.
Unfortunately, we always seem to think that switching the service or curating the feed differently works to alleviate that completely. I guess it feels that way for a while, but looking on from the outside, I can't see much change. You’re still spending hours in the same space that frightened and stressed you for years and continues to. No matter what big platform you turn to, your brain still recognizes the feed, the numbers, the danger of comments, the fear of getting dragged. Your heart drops when you see too many notifications or a DM. You’re still always in position, anticipating the next asshole to come along. You’re frightened. You have no trust. Someone's criticism about a thing is always, somehow, vaguely a dig at you and your worth to you.
There’s a reason people feel relieved and start feeling more relaxed when they leave, and start feeling overwhelmed and anxious again when they go back, even after an extended break. You can’t completely break this response of your body via small adjustments and pauses. It’s all just reset after reset after reset but going down the same path, strengthening the same neural pathways you tried to starve.
Everything continues on as usual, but with less of a bitter taste for a while. And during all that, I feel like I'm talking to someone who's going through something traumatic, without them even recognizing it as such.
Of course, not every space is a cesspit, not every space is stressful or encouraging you to doomscroll. I've seen Mastodon servers that seem encouraging, kind, chill and funny; almost making me want to give it a try. But I just don't see much of a difference in levels of anxiety and defensiveness in your written words anyway, unfortunately.
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Published 16 Aug, 2025