i like getting older
There are seconds here and there when I feel a deep gratitude about getting older. They're really random; I've sometimes held dishes while cleaning them, thinking "I might hate doing this right now, but I'll miss it once I'm no longer on this earth. I'll miss everything, no matter how mundane.".
I realize what a privilege getting older is. I get to keep following my goals, I get to finish things I set out to do and watch things conclude. I get to witness animals and plants and everything earth has to offer one more day (I'm scheduling this post to be posted at a later time, let's hope I don't die in-between or else this is gonna age like milk!). I get to see my loved ones one more day, and it's one more day added to how long I have known them.
I get more and more courage to do things the older I get. I have more freedoms because some mental blocks and self-restrictions and insecurities fall away and there's better jobs, shared income, help, a support network. I have more experience to draw from to make better decisions. As time passes and I get further and further away from my teens, I don’t have to be liked by everyone and I'm getting comfortable with the fact that some things I do or say will make others dislike me. I no longer have to impress people I don't even like in the first place! I'm more comfortable with losing people and moving on. More comfortable speaking up, asking for things and not tolerating unbearable behavior.
I realize that for some people, these might have gotten worse as they got older, but not for me.
Highly subjective, but I really find most of childhood, all of teens and most of 20s to be miserable in comparison. You’re always very restricted either by people or means - you’re dependent on so many other people, forced into things you don’t wanna do. You’re expected to ask everyone for permission to do the most basic things, you have little to no money. No one gives a fuck about your opinion, and your emotions are confusing. You’re underestimated left and right, belittled and infantilized. Getting diagnoses is hell because everyone thinks you’re faking it because you’re just too lazy or want an excuse to miss school. Fitting in and the opinions of your parents and teachers and friends and bullies and randoms on the street dictate everything.
I would rather shoot myself in the head than start over. 26 and onward are the best years of my life so far, all things considered, even when 2024 was so hard and almost killed me. I will be 30 at the end of the year and I couldn’t be more grateful for that because for a lot of my life I planned to be dead by 18.
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Published 24 Jun, 2025