a source of drain
I used to have a three screen setup on my desk. At some point, I removed the third screen because I felt weirdly overwhelmed.
There was always something to see, to keep track of, to click on, to watch or to adjust while I played or chatted. I wanted more focus on fewer things. Removing the screen really helped me because it restricted what I see at once, but now, maybe two (?) years later, I notice I am running into a similar issue again with just two screens. The way I have been using my laptop(s) hasn't been beneficial to me lately in that regard.
I can't tell if it's a phase, or simply age, but quickly switching between tasks and contexts after 5-20 minutes on each, digitally, seems a lot more draining than it used to be. And I've developed digital habits that facilitate that to the extreme.
On a typical work day, I might have work for 20-60 minutes before I run out of things to do (underutilized worker good and fast at her job). Then I see what else I can do in the meantime.
I'll probably check Matrix, read several channels, then check my RSS reader, open a few links in a new tab. I'll check the Bearblog Discover feed, open a few things from there as well. Then I check work again. Afterwards, maybe I check my private email, reply to one, and become distracted again. I start reading the first article, but might get distracted/bored/feel my focus wane after half of it, so I switch to something else - like a message I got, or another work thing came in, or I'll start reading another article. When I feel myself getting tired from it, I jump again.
Whenever I dedicate myself to something - like studying, reading, writing a longer blog post, gaming - I still have so many interruptions because I check another message, or I have to check my work emails again, or I put on a new video or music, or interrupt that one to put another one on to continue the other one later, or I answer another email again... it wasn't always this way, but now it is. That doesn't even include all the physical interruptions when I have to get up from the desk.
That behavior results in so many articles and PDFs left at different points, several YouTube videos paused, several things opened to check later, ticking off/closing one thing just for it to replaced by another thing, blog posts at several stages of completion (instead of my usual writing-until-completed) and feeling absolutely drained. I do finish most stuff I read or watch within the same day or two days, and I get a significant chunk of things done that I planned to do; but it weirdly does not feel that way, because I chipped away at it all in micro-increments, instead of sitting down and properly working at it for however long it takes, uninterrupted, in a flow, and then having a proper sense of closure and possibly accomplishment before moving on to the next thing. It just always feels like playing catch-up instead, or tying up loose ends, or doing the bare minimum to keep everything afloat.
In the past, I was really convinced that if I everything I needed or wanted to do was easily accessible (open) at all times, it would allow me to freely bounce between them and do all of them a little, getting progress in on everything, and feeling behind in nothing. If I needed a break from studying, why not use that break to finish that informative video, or make some progress on that other lengthy PDF, or answer emails, etc.? It initially feels productive because you think you don't waste time. You keep bouncing and at the end of the day, you can list all these things you get to tick off or at least made progress on.
For me, that advantage or feeling definitely didn't last, and now I crave the opposite. It just feels like I do everything a little, but nothing fully. I miss the focus, the flow, the dedication. It's been more difficult for my brain to keep jumping between different mediums and laptops and browser spaces and tabs all the time. I need more time to adjust and to get back to where I was, and it affects my attention span, my resilience to work through stuff, and my energy levels. And I miss proper breaks that are breaks and not just "briefly looking at another thing I have to finish".
It feels like I do so little because so much is still open or not entirely done or only has been worked on for about 10-20 minutes that day, but it is simply spread out between so many things, with so many interruptions. This way, nothing feels like it is truly getting 'done' or making significant progress, even when it is true. At this point, I'd rather dedicate 2 hours to answering and sorting emails and have a clear inbox, than deal with 1-2 every day and it just feels never-ending (especially with newsletters).
The way I set up Zen browser probably added to it, which is ironic given its name. But: I had several things permanently open in the Essentials, I had some things pinned at the top of the specific space, and I had at least 5 spaces dedicated for specific open tabs. While I do have compact mode enabled so the browser is essentially in full screen without a top or sidebar, I kept getting distracted and furthering the above bad habits that were really draining anyway.
But it's not just the setup; since I had a bit of a rough time a few weeks ago and still occasionally struggle a bit, that also probably led to escapism through online stuff. Craving as much stimulation as possible, no breaks or boredom so I don't have to think or feel about certain things, and so on. Behind bad online habits is usually a difficult time in real life.
I really need a stronger focus now, more self-imposed limits on what is happening at the same time, and less opportunities for me to jump between everything I needed or wanted to do.
I've now removed most things I had put in Essentials, deleted several spaces, finally closed some tabs I had saved for later, and have closed others that were permanently open but that I should visit manually and then close when done, instead of giving myself constant easy access.
I'm also using Virtual Desktops again, so I can better separate when I truly just want to focus on a specific task without all the other things open or accessible. If needed, I can also shut my laptop screen or disable it so I only have my one external screen, or take it from the setup to somewhere else, or even go get my old laptop as a separate device :)
It really is a curse sometimes to have so much of your life bundled up in the same thing, as this portal to it all; from work and socializing to games to blogging to studying to other entertainment, and it's all in the same space, ready for you to jump between it all and feel like doing much of neither of it, starting one thing but your mind wandering to the other, over and over again, and that just going on the entire day, while so much of it feels equally urgent...
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