it may not just be the damn phone
I’m sitting in a car and I am bored. Let me tell you about what’s currently moving me.
I’ve been thinking about how motivated many people are to cut out entertainment in their life that they don’t consider productive enough. Only wanting entertainment that’s impressive, hobbies with transferable skills that are good for your CV or get you valuable knowledge. Or they want to cut back on the time spent on consuming games, feeds and video, so that it’s only a convenient few (whatever time they deem appropriate), while the rest is supposed to be pure productivity.
I have felt the exact same in the past, but since then I changed a little.
It’s true that ubiquitous entertainment sometimes stops us from engaging in hobbies, focusing on work or making the effort to meet new people - it’s simply easier and always accessible and needs no energy. Why meet up in a café with someone if you can do the dishes and throw on a podcast, why paint when you can play a game? Why go to the gym if you can hang out on the sofa consuming fitness content?
But something I hadn’t thought of back then is that online entertainment didn’t just creep into my life expanding its hold more and more, taking up increasing amounts of time while actively pushing everything else out of my life. That might be the case for other people or select few things, but the truth for me is: It got that much space because there was free space to occupy. It couldn’t have taken hold without it.
Maybe it’s empty hours at work where you need to look busy but can’t focus anymore or no work is left to be done. Or becoming sick of a hobby and needing a break where you don’t do it at all so you don’t burn out on it. Or wanting to listen someone talk while you do your own hobby on the side.
It’s fine to need something to unwind and not constantly produce and solve problems. You physically and mentally need downtime. You need to laugh, you need whimsy and silliness and fun and little imaginary scenarios. And most of all, even if you’d reduce your entertainment consumption, your friends (or family) still have less time for you than you wish, or you may not have close friends, or you’re in a long-distance relationship.
What I found out for myself is that simply cutting back on scrolling, gaming, watching videos, etc. doesn’t change life as much as I had hoped for years ago. I thought it was holding me back and things would shift in some areas of my life without online stuff taking up so much of my time, as if the issue was me prioritizing online time over everything else. But that wasn’t it for me.
Cutting back or ceasing consumption of some things did some good! It may have increased my ability to focus, but only so much; there’s simply a ceiling there that we all share. A cap on how productive you can realistically be. It’s difficult not to fall into the mindset of harder/longer = better, especially around studying, working and learning new skills. Realistically, opening up your day to be able to do something 8 hours per day won’t make you actually study or work on something that much. That’s simply how it is, and that’s not online habits holding you back.
It’s also difficult not to fall into a mindset of “it was the damn phone that isolated me” when actually, maybe, everyone in your life was busy, far away, or better friends with other people so you picked YouTube videos to make up for that and feel less alone. Of course that sucks! Shouldn’t be that way. But not consuming that creator anymore won’t change that your friends are living far away or working >40h a week or spending their freetime with partner (and maybe even child) or preferring to consume content over hanging out as they’re exhausted. What if you didn’t stop going outside because of your little online world, but because your immediate surroundings really suck, with no way to enjoy being outside your home safely and in an affordable way?
When you put the phone down, no one is suddenly throwing themselves into your life and the relationships aren’t magically there or easier to attain and maintain; no guarantee that they’ll reciprocate and increase your time spent together. You won’t magically have the focus and energy for everything you’ve put off all this time by scrolling and watching instead. It’s obvious when written down, but easy to forget as you build up this ideal new self in your mind.
Just let me float the thesis that maybe, you aren’t lonely and unhappy just because of your online habits - but also because other aspects of modern living made you lonely and bored and the phone is how you cope, and using it less, while somewhat beneficial, isn’t radically transforming your life the way you wish it did. It may just be exposing some holes in your life that are outside of your control to fix, as you can’t control other people or will yourself into superhuman productivity.
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Published 13 Apr, 2025