art feelings
Inspired by Vaudeville Ghostâs make bad art.
Iâve always felt a resistance towards learning how to do art âproperlyâ.
Over the course of my life so far, I did occasionally look at short tutorials for some things, or booked one-time art workshops, but I just couldnât find anything in there that made me want to stay at it perfecting it, and I donât think I kept any technique long term. I also felt restricted by art class in school (despite great grades), which just wanted me to reproduce a style as closely as possible.
I know most people in art progress by emulating others and learning the rules before producing stunning art in their own style. They grind practice sessions and drawing exercises and use palettes that have all the right values and complement each other, and they set all the shadows and highlights just right, their use of color underlines the piece. The result is something really amazing and kind to the eyes, but itâs also very technical and mechanical at times.
Some of it treats art like this thing you can win, that can be graded finely and put neatly into boxes, and that itâs something you perform for others. That if you follow the rules to a T, the result is always good art.
And theyâre mostly right about that.
But Iâve never had the drive to optimize my art this hard, for it to be checking off a list. I never could see it as a challenge to master and learn specific techniques (aside from some oil stuff I tried).
For me, the more I look at what others do in art, the more my creativity and style disappears, and I want to protect that instead. I donât want to feel limited by having to think about whether Iâm doing something right. I know some limits and rules can set othersâ art free, or polish the piece, but not mine; too much time spent looking elsewhere and I just emulate others, too many limits and I just stop.
Some things in art also sound too serious to me, mathematical and snobbish. Like colors are formulas you are only allowed to calculate in a specific way, or a language whose vocabulary lists you learn by heart. I was never good at math, and my difficulties with my mental eye has forced me to be more experimental and see where I end up.
Color theory is a law to others and an optional guide for me; I think the rules are not bent and questioned enough. For a lot of things, I think âThis only âlooks right/betterâ to you because we are inundated with this style or use of color everywhere.â
I hate that peopleâs style is called wrong due to weird dimensions, weird use of color or not respecting the rules of the medium, but if they stick to it enough and it becomes popular, suddenly itâs âallowedâ and taken seriously, analyzed and retroactively has reasons and interpretations applied to it. It only gets legitimized when close enough to an existing style or palatable enough or following some made-up rules.
I think if I really tried, my art would be so much better objectively, and it would be nicer for others to see, but simultaneously, it would ruin the experience for me. It would introduce guardrails I donât wanna have.
This used to be a point of shame for me, like Iâm choosing to stay uneducated, ignorant, and with unused potential. Then years ago, I read a post by an artist whose art I really like who said they ignored all advice thatâs usually given for the medium (you arenât allowed to do this, only xyz is the proper way to do it!) but now theyâre successful with their style.
I know people will say a good study will have you learn in a few weeks what could otherwise take you years to learn on your own (if at all), but I am fine with it. I donât want to become a professional artist, and I donât wanna become good at this hobby; I just wanna do it when I feel like it.
This is also protecting me from the effects of perfectionism. Some hobby artists seem like theyâre only allowing themselves to enjoy and engage with this hobby if theyâre aiming for a specific standard and pretending theyâre gonna have to pass an exam about it, because free time has to be productive as well, and they cannot bear to spend time on something that isnât useful or earning admiration by others. Time is scarce, why throw paint on the paper for fun, if you can follow a YouTube guide in earnest tension and afterwards say you have studied a technique? So much more worth your time in todayâs metrics.
A while ago I was obsessed with drawing butterflies, currently itâs circles and gradients and colorful waves. Nothing impressive. I would like to draw more pixel art of rooms, more nature landscapes with gouache again, and - surprisingly, after writing all this - Iâd live to try the jelly art style. Probably the closest Iâve ever come to wanting to submit to a set of rules, because obviously I need to adhere to nail the style. Weâll see.
I like my mixed stuff the most. I have a canvas where I mixed acrylics, gouache and makeup. I have another that has acrylic paint and some crystals stitched on it.
Honestly, looking back on it all, I think thereâs also been too many times where I felt like making art for others was a net negative for me, or that my style wasnât understood or respected and people didnât go about feedback in a respectful way. Like, if their character feature is big, itâs âstylizedâ, when I do it itâs âawkwardâ; and I know itâs because one works within the established rules and one doesnât, so one is seen as skill and one as an accident or lack of skill. People will always see a person as more skilled even they make art thatâs more harmonious to look at, and it seems to me I just donât consistently create art that looks harmonious to anyone else but me; makes sense, with so many mediums and months or years of not making art. If I wanted to make better art, Iâd have to draw more often, and draw like others do. I remember a time a teacher scribbled over my art, and I never want to experience that again.
So I released that expectation, and I make âbadâ art for me.
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